Socks' Plot
For some reason, my socks dislike me. This
is their story.
is their story.
Sock 1: I hate John and everything he lives for.
Sock 2: Me too, we should brainstorm ways to make his life completely miserable.
Sock 3: I have a few ideas up my tube, we'll discuss it the next time we are being laundered.
Sock 1: Sounds good to me!
Sock 2: Do I really have to wait? What if John is having one of his "lazy" weeks? I really, really hate him.
Sock 3: Don't worry about it, the end result will be legendary (sock makes sinister laugh).
Sock 2: Me too, we should brainstorm ways to make his life completely miserable.
Sock 3: I have a few ideas up my tube, we'll discuss it the next time we are being laundered.
Sock 1: Sounds good to me!
Sock 2: Do I really have to wait? What if John is having one of his "lazy" weeks? I really, really hate him.
Sock 3: Don't worry about it, the end result will be legendary (sock makes sinister laugh).
I'm down to one last pair of tighty whities that I refuse
to wear, so I do laundry.
to wear, so I do laundry.
Sock 3: Okay boys, this is it...once he closes the washing machine door and we start to soak... I will tell you what separates men from the boys.
Sock 1: I hate John and want to contribute anything I can to destroy his happiness.
Sock 2: John totally sucks.
Sock 3: Agreed.
Sock 1: Sock 3, the door's closed... let's hear what you have to say!
Sock 3: Okay, but first off, let me tell you guys something... you are all brave socks. Some of you...I've known since the college days and some I've only known for a couple weeks. All in all, we must do whatever it takes to make sure John becomes extremely depressed and angry, because we despise him more than anything in the universe. This is the Socks' Creed. This means we might lose a couple of you. Some of us will make it out alive and some of us will not. You are all brothers to me, especially you Right Nike Ankle Sock...my actual twin. We have been through it all and I know both of us are doing this for the improvement of our society. We've made a great pair, but now it's go time... give him hell.
Sock 2: Oh my God, I can't stand John...If I had hands I would try to murder him...what's the game plan?
Sock 3: Okay, here goes... upon entering the dryer... we must all do whatever it takes to escape and leave John with either one sock missing from the pair or no socks at all. On my signal, some of you stick yourselves to the top or the sides of the washing machine... hopefully John will not notice you. While he moves us to the dryer, some of you try to slip through his hands and blend in with the floor. At this moment, you will be very dizzy because you will have been spinning for about half hour or so...
Boxer: Hey guys, I couldn't help but overhear you talking about how much you hate John. Me and the rest of the boxers want to make him cry also....
Sock 3: STAY OUT OF THIS BOXERS! THIS IS OUR FIGHT!!! Now as I was saying... for all of those who make it to the dryer, it will be up to you to do whatever you can as a last ditch effort to make John want to hurt himself and use bad language. You can do this a number of ways. One, whilst tumbling, slip into the drying vent and be gone forever. Two, leap from his hands as he's unloading and slip in between the washing machine and the dryer where it will be impossible to be found. Three, just disappear.
Sock 1: Whoa...whoa... wait a second... what do you mean just disappear?
Sock 3: Well... I've never actually seen this happen, but apparently we do have the power to just disappear when we want to.
Sock 2: Ummm...if you don't mind me asking... why don't we all just disappear than?
Sock 3: Because it would be too obvious Sock 2... and then our mysterious ways will no longer be one of the greatest kept secrets of all time!
Sock 1: Ohhh, ok... got it.
Sock 3: Men, as you know... our goal is to make John hate his life... but the greater goal here is to one day all be united again...one society, living freely on Planet Sock. Some of you have been dreaming of making it there since you were woven. Now is our time. Now is our calling. I wish you men the best of luck. Okay...ready... one, two, threeeeeee...
As I was folding my laundry later that day,
I cursed seven times.
I cursed seven times.
Posts
